Can I have some cheese to go wtih my whine?

This is my blog and I am gonna whine, bitch, and moan a bit.. so if you dont want to hear it, then dont read it!!

I want a BREAK!!! I just want one day, preferably alone, where I can sit and do nothing!! abosultely nothing, without feeling guilty that there is things to do.

I want a break from diabetes!!!! I am getting burnt out. For almost 6 yrs now, I have done it all. Dont get me wrong, Matt, and other family and friends do give her bolus', change sites, etc... but I am the only one that makes the basal adjustments, worries about what her a1c is, downloads the pump/meters, figures the standard deviation, keeps up atleast once, more usually twice a night, everynight to check her. Do you know how long it has been since I have slept through the night? I cant remember the last time.

And now we can add celiac to my list of hated diseases. I am always the one that has to tell my sweet 6 yr old no she cant have something. If she asks grandma if she can have it, they have to say ask mom. Why, because I am the only one apparently who knows ( I am not mad at others for this as I do know more since I deal with it 24/7 and have read and researched, etc.. I just want a break!) Why is gluten found in everything? WHy cant they just make a lable say CONTAINS GLUTEN?? No, instead that have to hide it in other ingreadients. With diabetes, I can atleast look at her meter, make adjustments, and I can see if I am screwing up. With celiac, Jess has no sypmtoms. The only way to know if I screw up and feed her gluten is to have bloodwork drawn and wait a month for the results. Obviously I dont want to be having bloodwork drawn weekly or monthly, it is done yearly. So I have been feeding her what I think is gluten free for about 4 months and I have no clue if I am doing it right or not.

Lets talk about the house. I am sick or tired of the mess. I dont mind doing the laundry, dishes, vaccuming, etc... I do mind that fact that I can find the floor to vaccum, or the dishes are all over the kitchen, or i have to go look for the dirty clothes. Iknow, simple solution... make them pickup the floor, make then put the dishes in the sink, only wash the clothes I have in the laundry.. The problem with that is that I spend more time telling them to do these things, when it would just be less effort to do it my own self. I get tired of telling them to come get this or get that. I understand they are kids, but I want them to just do it.

Next, my attitude. I have the worst, most negative, hateful attitude. Everylittle thing is getting my my last nerve. I can stand the way I am acting, yet I cant stop. I have distanced myself from calling people, and definately from seeing them in person, mainly because all I can do it bitch and complain.

I am just stressed.. I guess I should go take this anger/aggression out in the form of exercise or something productive.

I am not looking for advice, or a fix. I just had to vent and get it all off my chest.